Random Thoughts From the Rockies

Me and My Big Mouth...

2012-02-14T13:33:00.002-07:00

Once again, I went too far, pushed too hard.

Should have let it go, left you alone.

Now I feel like I pushed you away again.

I hope it's not goodbye and that you just need time to sort through things.

I'll be here if you need but I won't reach out again.

The card you get will be the last.

You'll always be in my heart and for whatever I did or said (or didn't do or say) that night - I'm sorry.

I just hope I wasn't one of those things on your "bucket list" or that I disappointed you in some way.

Until whenever - XOXO

Unfocused

2012-02-12T10:37:00.003-07:00

So a song came into my head this morning... Candlebox's "Far Behind"...

Thought of you, what you told me, how you sometimes feel... scared of the thoughts

Your silence tells me you need space, time to think... I won't bother you but hope you know I meant what I said so long ago that I am here for you. I will text you to let you know that I am training... for me, for you, for us...

Hope to see you for your big day in September

Where are you?

2012-02-10T16:10:00.003-07:00

Missing you... wish you would talk to me...

Wondering if I did or said something wrong...

Wishing I could see...

You... those eyes... burning so long

Your touch... burning

Every thought ... turning... to you

Can't focus without knowing

If you're OK

Can't focus without knowing

If we're OK

Talk to me please

Let me know

Put me at ease

Let me know

The Past Comes Back ... Hauntingly

2012-02-10T10:11:00.002-07:00

Amazing how even after 20+ years the past sometimes just won't let go.

You were in my life then and stayed in my heart all this time. I've loved you, worried about you, cried with you and about you.

You've scared me and scarred me. You've loved me and hated me, leaned on me and depended on me.

And then earlier this week you were physically with me. The feelings came rushing back for me and hopefully for you. All of them - the love, the fear, the pain, the comfort. The things you told me made me soar and sink - sometimes at the same time.

You're complex and that's why I loved you then and love you now. I'm still scared. Scared for you, scared for what could happen.

You've been through so much and you've survived. You should be proud and deep down I think you are. I thank God you are still with us because I don't know what I would do.

My only wish is that we were closer in distance but I know that our hearts are somewhere close.

You're one in a million and so many things remind me of you. Songs I hear, things I read, memories of the store we worked at. You inspire me to be better and I hope to God that our seeing each other did some good for you too - that it let you know that you are loved and that I will always do my best to be there for you if you need. I think your mom smiled down on us from Heaven that day knowing that you were safe - at least for a little while.

Be strong, be you and I hope to see you again later this year!!

Thanksgiving...

2011-11-24T20:29:00.002-07:00

Thanksgiving... another come and gone... another alone (sort of) far from family and closest friends...

This time of year really starts to depress me so I stay busy with work and other things to keep my mind off it all... the phone calls are great and I love talking to mom, dad, sister, friends, etc... BUT it doesn't replace the feeling of being there.

Why don't I go back east for the holidays? Pretty tough to do - in-laws are 120 miles away from my folks and it'd just be a drive-fest from one part of NJ to the other... I always said trips to see the family are more work that pleasure and that holds true to this day...

Maybe someday now that the kids are older and can handle themselves, but $2k for tix is a bit much... Summer 2012 though will be a different story... will do it because it's been too long.

Love the family, miss the friends dearly but you know what? I wouldn't trade what I have and where I am for anything..

Cure for Leukemia??

2011-08-10T20:26:00.001-06:00

This would be wonderful if it works out... 27 years ago (almost to the day) my family lost a wonderful member to this terrible disease.. if this proves out, it could be the answer to millions of prayers.

http://xfinity.comcast.net/articles/news-health/20110810/US.MED.Gene.Therapy.Leukemia/

Again...

2011-07-25T01:07:00.002-06:00

Frustrated. Need sleep but of course, work called 1 hour after I passed out.

Amazing how we are so dependent on others to get our jobs done and how one person can screw up many... dominos at it's best.

Some day I am going to get out of the management business and become an individual contributor again but until then - back to the fight. I'll get a nap soon and then back to the office.

What a Game

2011-07-11T21:31:00.004-06:00

So after a long, ugly week at work, I decided to watch the USA Women's Soccer team take on Brazil in the quarter finals of the Women's World Cup.

What a match!

Up 1 - 0 after only 2 minutes into the game, Brazil tied the game late in regulation forcing extra time. So 90 minutes in the books and another 30 minutes guaranteed!

Brazil goes up on what I think was a bit of a lucky goal scored by one of the best players in the world at this time (Marta) and it looked like the end. The US was playing with only 10 players - a big disadvantage in soccer terms.

But the US kept pushing... and pushing... and pushing... then near the end of extra time with Brazil trying to do everything they can to stall for time, the US scores to tie it up on a brilliant header by Abby Wambach! NEVER SAY DIE!!!

From there, they move on to penalty kicks - one on one with the goaltender from 12 yards out. One of the most difficult shots for a keeper to stop - but also one of the most difficult to make. I speak from experience on this one from both sides of the ball.

Enter Hope Solo - the new sweetheart of US Women's soccer... beautiful save by a beautiful gal moving the US into the semi-finals against France!!

USA!! USA!!

Oh yeah - moral of the story - no matter how hard you think things are, keep pushing, plugging and trying - hard work WILL pay off and there are no shortcuts to a great outcome!!

Nothing is Free - Especially Freedom

2011-07-02T20:44:00.002-06:00

So this weekend we celebrate our nation's independence... as we spend time with family and loved ones during this long weekend, we can't forget all the patriots - past and present - who gave us our freedom.

Lives lost and turned upside down.. families broken... it's a hell of a cost for what we call "freedom".

Isn't it too bad that the dumb-asses in Washington now can't face reality and run this country like a damn business? It's gonna cost us dearly people... class-warfare and unrest are certainly on their way because just like a household, eventually something has to give when they realize there's no more money and no matter how much is printed, it won't help...

God bless our soldiers and their families this July 4 and every day... and God bless all the hard working people in the country that REALLY keep the country going...

Is the Work Ethic a Lost Concept?

2011-06-24T22:08:00.003-06:00

Seems to me that younger folks (some, not all) have no concept of what work ethic actually is.

People seem to be forgetting that it is a pay for performance world and this is not Major League Baseball!!

There are a number of people who instilled my work ethic in my life. Those people include my parents of course, my first baseball coach who took a bunch of "minor leaguers" and turned us into champs who could take on the "major leaguers" under the lights and kick their asses and my high school soccer coach.

Basically the message was the harder you work, the more reward. People who skate by will not get the bonuses and may not get the bigger raises. They certainly will not get the promotions!

Tenure in a position does NOT give you the right to be promoted. I'll promote a hard worker willing to learn over a person with twice the time in the position who is what I call a "banger" - the one who is in at 8 and out at 5 with no additional efforts.

Hell - I started delivering newspapers at age 11 and something as simple as putting a paper between the storm door and front door on a rainy day netted me HUNDREDS in Christmas tips - just for delivering a dry newspaper... sometimes it's the simple things.

People think I'm crazy to work as hard as I do, but I hope to God that I am able to show my kids that a little hard work can lead to great things!

I want to be an example to my kids and all the kids I have coached in the past years - I hope I live up to the legacy of the people who inspired me.

Lessons

2011-06-22T16:26:00.002-06:00

Back from camping with my son. Big Cub Scout camping trip .. lots to do and he was wiped out after day 1 of a 2.5 day trip.

Monday sucked because it rained most of the day and some of the events were cancelled.

He's shy and anxious about certain things... doesn't really like big crowds so this was a good chance for him to get put into situations that he's not always comfortable with... I stuck close to him though - that comfort factor... sometimes I do just want to kick him into the middle of a situation and have him do for himself but overall he did very well...

Learned how to use a pocket knife properly, found out he was pretty good at archery and handled a couple of situations on his own.

Couple of meltdowns also which frustrated me a little bit (silly things), but he is coming along... I love you buddy and I hope things keep getting better... just have to keep working at it... you teach me new things every day and I see a lot of me in you at that age... I came around and I know you can and will too...

Your imagination is the thing I love most about you... the theme for the camp was right up your alley and your imagination was able to run with it...

Be confident pal... you will do great things... I just know it in my heart... I'm your dad and I want nothing more than for you to be confident in all that you do... just keep working at it... one day you will show yourself and see...

Wow - The Things I've Missed

2011-06-17T21:49:00.002-06:00

Just went through some old posts... the things I could have been writing about...

Music - Les Paul, Ronnie James Dio, others passing

Old friends coming, going and coming again...

The return of Dee

Comings and goings at work - to acquisitions, hirings, firings...

I think I can do this... just have to remember - 2 or 3 times a week...

Been so Long...

2011-06-17T21:34:00.002-06:00

Wow... it's been so long...

So much happening... so much to write... need to start doing it almost daily since the likes of Facebook and Twitter can't do justice to the things I have to/want to get off my chest...

Past comes back, present continues... past continues to haunt in some ways yet satisfies/pacifies in others...

Work has been hell - but still love it...

Home is trying, but can't leave it...

What a beautiful mess... can things get more interesting? Time will tell...

Rewind... rewind... rewind...

2008-11-13T21:50:00.004-07:00

what a strange day...

New hire that started on Monday forced to resign due to medical issues... I feel really bad for him because he's a real nice guy but it would have impacted his ability to do the job... prayers to you JH... be well

sales escalation took up another 2 hours this morning... stupid shit - support gets thrown under the bus and we have to jack it up ourselves and prove we were correct... Just ONCE I'd like to get some support from the sales team... sticking up for the customer is one thing, but throwing the people who bail your ass out time and time again is just plain wrong...

Had one guy "flake" on me this afternoon after offering him a new role that he interviewed for... oh well - back to the drawing board.

Keep smiling and keep the team together (mentally)... I'm glad my boss is so supportive of me... she really appreciates me being there and for that I'm thankful... 'Tis the Season!

Let Me Get This Straight...

2008-11-12T21:33:00.002-07:00

Time for some political incorrectness... If anyone is offended - tough ... as Ted Nugent says - "Deal with it."

I make my mortgage payment, truck payment, credit card payment... month after month after month... Even when I was out of work, I was able to keep my payments going (thank the good Lord). I had enough sense to build my savings and sit on the cash as so many financial experts say... that helped... so why do I get penalized for being responsible? Maybe I should max out my credit cards and get in on the buyout/bailout bandwagon...

How about the government figuring out the following:
1. How to reduce the defecit
2. How to get people working
3. How to get the damn illegal immigrants the hell out of the country and oh yeah - bill them for rent, education and health care that they used... Why the hell are we paying for these people to use our services... shit - I have to buy a meal to use the toilet in a restauraunt so why not have them pay for the services they are using?? Sorry liberals - your ideas don't impress me unless you can tell me what will be cut from other programs you dreamed up to pay for the new ones.

You want to bail out the Fords and GMs and Chryslers of the world??? Keep my money out of that pot... How about dumping the unions to start... the sweetheart deals the retirees get (and by retirees I mean those who took the early buy-out in previous reductions) is OBSCENE... I recently read Lee Iaccoca's book and I believe he said up to 30% of the operating expenses of Chrysler goes to retirees health benefits... hmmmm - anyone else see a problem here!??! I say give the Big 3 the loans they want but tie the interest rate to their ability to deliver cutting edge technology to increase mileage by a factor of 5 (minimum)... don't tell me they can't do it because we put men on the moon using computers as powerful as a pocket calculator for crying out loud!

You hear that sucking sound folks? It's the sound of the middle class getting sucked off the face of the planet - we're not middle class - we're the working class poor!

Welcome to the new reality... and don't give me the shit that it's the Republican's fault, or even the Democrat's fault for that matter... every scumbag in Washington and in each state senate is to blame - period. Every one of them over the past 20+ years shares the blame... and we do too folks... we share the blame because we voted for and trusted the assholes to keep OUR best interests in mind... public servants my ass... they only serve themselves.

Good night and good luck folks! Something tells me we're going to need it no matter who's in office.

37 Years? REALLY???

2008-11-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

November 8, 1971... a date that should live in everyone's mind when it comes to rock & roll history.

The release of Led Zeppelin IV with Stairway to Heaven.

What more can be said?

Feeling Drained

2008-11-11T23:31:00.002-07:00

Not sure if it's work, family or the recent time change but I've been "off" for a couple weeks now.

Work is stressful - new releases, lots to do and not enough time during the day to get things done... I know - same for a lot of folks. I still love the job and I know it's just a temporary bump - I just haven't felt it like this in the year+ I've been there.

Family stuff is OK - lots going on - very busy ... that feeds the stress of course and the holidays loom just around the bend.

The time change is always tough - haven't been sleeping good - trying to get adjusted as best I can (and as fast as I can). Not seeing the sun can weigh on a person - need to try to get out at lunchtime to take a walk a couple times per week.

All... Most... There

2008-10-30T20:08:00.003-06:00

Just a few more days and we'll be past all the ads, etc. that I wrote about a few days ago...

My ballot is in the mail, sure to arrive before deadline. Some of the cartoons circulating are pretty funny (even if you support the guy, you have to admit these are pretty good...)

When I come across something for McCain I'll post it as well to be fair... if you have anything, point me in the right direction.

Slow Down - You Move Too Fast

2008-10-29T20:43:00.002-06:00

Everyone seems to be on edge lately... customers, staff, co-workers, family, friends.... everyone...

Maybe it's the unknown of the upcoming election... or maybe the economy.. or the upcoming holidays.... or how about all of the above?!?!?

Customers want everything now and are quick to escalate... staff is stressed because of new software coming out soon ... family and friends just because... it's somewhat wild and not much relief.

I tried to relax tonight but too many things to do ... I checked e-mails before I started this and uncovered a problem at work... 30 minutes later, here I am...

My vice when I'm stressed is food... I snack... i'm a "grazer" and it's not good - especially going into the winter months. Tonight was the last soccer practice with the kids so I did some running around but I can always use more.

Reading helps but reading at night just puts me to sleep :)

I want to take up a hobby .... woodworking or pick up my guitar again... not sure which but I will pick up one or the other over the winter. In the summer it's yardwork and gardening that are my release. Still need to find something for the winter months. An excuse to stop working so much. The wife and daughter don't talk much because they're so busy... we do make a point of eating dinner together every night and it's good - just the way it was when I grew up... the youngest is still too young to sit and carry on a "good" conversation but it's getting better... sitting on the floor playing games with him is a great relaxer too.

Just need to take other's advice and slow down from time to time... I was never one for listening though so it's up to me ...

Are We There Yet??

2008-10-28T22:41:00.002-06:00

Are we there yet? Is election day over?

Is everyone else tired of the crap, the attack ads and all the other stuff that's gone with this election? Local or national - it's ugly out there.

History in the making either way you slice it, only question is what is it going to cost us all... only time will tell.

I just finished reading both Lee Iaccoca's book "Where Have All the Leaders Gone?" and Ted Nugent's "Ted, White and Blue"... each a good read. Both with valid points and arguments and each will make someone's head explode!

Iaccoca's leans left and Nugent's leans right. Nugent's is obviously more colorful (if you know his music and have heard him on the radio talk show circuit you know what I'm talking about). Each brings about the argument that people need to be responsible for themselves!

Hmmmm - any current politicians listening?

Why are people stupid?

2008-10-28T22:21:00.002-06:00

Sometimes you have to wonder why people do what they do... I have a tech who overall is good. Nice kid... considerate, fun, technically sound...

Unfortunately he did something really stupid and it will cost him his job... I feel bad about it but I have little choice ... Friday's gonna be hard.

Be smart - take your crap off the printer at work... better yet, DON'T EVEN PRINT IT!

Have a Good Trip

2008-10-25T21:54:00.002-06:00

Have a good trip... I'm sorry we couldn't talk before you left... there are a few things I know we need to talk about - things on both our minds.

I wish I had time today to call but it just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes I wonder what you think, how you feel. Wonder if you still think some of the same things you used to... we've had some great times and some really shitty times... The good outweighs the bad, but we've stung each other also.

Be safe on this trip. I'll talk to you when you get back. We'll have some catching up to do.

Fluff is Gone

2008-10-25T21:45:00.003-06:00

That's it... she finished on Friday... gave what she said - 2 full weeks of solid work and I thank her for it... nothing less than professional - period.

Many laughs at the happy hour... me, Fluff, Pooch, the Saint and others in attendance of course... the core, the lifeblood...

Big hole in the team - professionally and emotionally... the company that lured her away is lucky and will be happy with her I'm sure...

You'll be missed Fluff! Thanks for everything and thank you for the friendship and all else over the past few years. Keep in touch!!

Slow Down - RELAX!!!

2008-10-21T23:08:00.003-06:00

Wow! What a day... down 3 techs and a 4th calls in "sick" (read that as hung over!)... sales people pissed off, customers pissed off and I can't get a lick of my own work done all day.

Snapped at one sales guy and apologized... pissed off the bosses because I put myself in the situation... no one to blame but myself... Am I trying too hard or taking on too much? Maybe...

Serves me right for trying to be the nice guy... a couple of people are taking advantage of it I fear... plus I'm losing one of my best techs to a different company/job this week... good move for her and it will leave a big hole for a little bit... I'm happy for her though.

Need to suck it up, slow down and relax a bit... been working out again (but missed tonight because of other stuff that needed to be done)... need to work an 8 hour day here soon and not feel bad about it... maybe tomorrow...

Good night all.

Does it REALLY Matter??

2008-10-18T19:59:00.004-06:00

I'm not big into politics, office or otherwise.

This presidential election has got me disillusioned on the heels of the recent market meltdown. I (like most people I know) lost a good deal of coin in recent weeks from various accounts. No one really has the basis for a good long-term plan in my opinion.

TV ads are a farse - it's all spin. It's hard to get the true scoop on anything nowadays and the internet doesn't help other than you can read every bloody newspaper in the country. You would have to read everything to get even 25% of the truth about either of the candidates. Most are biased one way or the other.

The debates were disappointing - nothing spontaneous, everything scripted right down to the questions at the "townhall" formatted debate. I say put the candidates in a room with REAL people with a moderator and let them answer REAL questions! What about MY best interests? What about Social Security, what about Iraq, what about a REAL plan on alternative energy instead of this crap with ethanol? Do the math - it's pretty simple... it doesn't work! Subsidised by tax payers with $$ going to farmers while everyone pays more for food.... oh - and did I mention the lack of equity in the gas mileage? Hmmm - let's get it straight - to get the same mileage as a gasoline engine, you've got to pay how much more in REAL money? BULLSHIT... politicians are selling us less for more... yeah - the American way... gotta love it.

What about the now-vanished middle-class? (I don't care what anyone says, there IS NO MIDDLE-CLASS anymore - there is the rich and the not rich). No one can put a number on "middle-class" anymore. Geographic differences and cost differentials have seen to that - not to mention crooked politicians everywhere.

I'm in the middle on this one ... I pay my mortgage and my car payment, don't have a lot of other debt (thankfully) and have managed to be relatively healthy along with the rest of my family. I will get nothing out of this election other than a bill no matter who wins.

I just finished reading Lee Iaccoca's book - Where Have All the Leaders Gone? and he put it simply - no matter what happens, no matter what new programs are put into place, you've got to pay for it SOMEHOW. Either you give something up or you pony up the cash.

Enough of the pandering to the oil giants - they want tax breaks? Tell them to get us alternative energy! REAL alternative energy that we can afford in real dollars... for every breakthrough they give the American person, give them something... hmmm - pay for performance?? If we expect it from the working class stiffs like me, why not the high and mighty scum suckers running these outfits?

It is exciting though - especially seeing my kids getting interested... either way, it's historical.
Exciting and scary.

Hang on for your life it could get really interesting.

Fluff's Final Week

2008-10-18T19:47:00.003-06:00

Fluffy is leaving! Waaaaahhhhhh!

Bummer, downer, exciting, happy for you.

You were a big supporter of me in the past two positions... You will be missed for sure.

End of a Crazy Week and Answered Questions

2008-09-19T21:08:00.002-06:00

I think my question about regrets was answered tonight. The end of a though week for both of us and I thought we'd find comfort with each other. Too bad it was so awkward. Should I have asked? Should I have suggested?

I don't know...

Until next time...

Regrets?

2008-08-22T21:48:00.002-06:00

I'm confused... did I do or say something wrong? Or were you just tired...

I know you were tired - what am I talking about - who am I kidding. I just hope you don't regret the other two nights and what was said/done...

Thanks for coming out for the drinks - you're doing a FANTASTIC job in your new role... thank you for sharing everything with me...

I hope there are no regrets

Relax - It's the Olympics

2008-08-09T13:42:00.005-06:00

Relaxing weekend so far... Olympics on TV, my daughter had friends spend the night and I ran some errands... relaxing the rest of the day... GO USA!

Weight down 1 more pound... Blood pressure still good - have to work hard next week though to beat the 190 pound mark... sitting at 191... Friday and Saturday are usually my worst days but you can't totally deny yourself - reward yourself with a little something after working hard the week before.

Work was tough this past week - lots of escalations but still somewhat productive other than the fact that I wasn't able to talk to my friend much - I hope she doesn't think that I'm avoiding her or pushing away. That's the last thing I want to do.

Work, working out and "Stuff"

2008-08-05T20:36:00.003-06:00

Rough couple days at work. Lots of escalations all being handled, but just taking up too much of my day. Nothing my techs can do about it though - some customers just need to be held.

Looking for an excuse to sacrifice the rubber chicken and this might be it... need some good mojo!

Personal note - workouts have been good and I'm dropping some weight. Need to see my friend for a little more alone time. Maybe later this week or next. Grab a beer and watch the ballgame and talk.

Crazy Mondays!

2008-08-04T21:19:00.004-06:00

Monday... great workout this morning at the gym and a hell of a day at work...

The workday started out just fine but then escalation city!! One user just yelling at one of my techs, me and 2 people from sales. Root cause = IGNORANCE. Not necessarily his fault but he needs to shut his mouth and listen for a few minutes.

We'll get through to him but it might take a couple of days. It will be interesting to see his response in the morning.

Might have to sacrifice the rubber chicken at work before the original plan if this shit keeps up!

Personal note - got an e-mail from a former soccer player of mine that I used to coach - glad to hear she's doing good in this crazy grown up world... I've known her for at least 10 years now - hard to believe.

Renewing Friendships and Losing Weight

2008-08-03T19:41:00.004-06:00

Start with the weight... been in the gym and really watching my food intake the past 2 weeks - PAYOFF! Down 3 pounds ... that's 3 of the 15 -20 that I want/need to lose... the bloodpressure came down also... still need to see a bigger drop in the bottom number of the BP, but good start...

Now the friendship piece - went to lunch on Thursday with my friend - WOW! She showed up and my jaw hit the floor... what a beauty! Would have loved to have taken the rest of the day off with her, but it could not be...

She's taking more time off later in the month so I'll try to play hookey one afternoon and spend time if she wants - Letting her make the choices. So far it's been fine by me and the results have been awesome.

Where did the Weekend Go??

2008-07-28T15:32:00.002-06:00

Time flies but did I really have fun? Woke up to a phone call from work at 1:15am Saturday morning. Youngest kid woke up early that morning so no go on catching up on the lost sleep.

Saturday afternoon spent with a contractor for 4 hours. Sunday flew by doing all kinds of other stuff... kind of crazy.

Monday was fast and furious at the office. Hoping to hear from a friend of mine today - maybe, maybe not... hoping to get to lunch with her this week... need to say hello.

Side note - back to the gym today for the first time in a long time... need to get back into the habit... bad day diet-wise though... I need to work on dropping this weight (10 - 15 pounds) in the next 3 months)... I'm gonna work hard at it - for my own good...

Have to figure out how I can cut/burn a combination of 3500 calories a week for the next 12 weeks - that will do it... 500 calories a day to drop the weight... good luck to me... it will make a few people in my life very happy if/when I do it.

Vacation Thoughts

2008-07-23T20:44:00.003-06:00

I just realized that I never wrote a word about my recent vacation and visit with the boyz back east...

Good times had by all... 3 brothers from separate mothers getting together to talk, drink, laugh and see just how lucky we all are... each with our wives, a son and daughter each, homes and stable jobs...

I don't think I could have survived if I stayed in NJ (honestly)... there would have been too damn much pressure and being a good distance away is good for me... not as many temptations, etc...

Only problem is that the family (mom, dad, friends) are getting older and it gets harder to fathom someone not being there at some point... everyone's healthy overall and I'm thankful for that... I'm also happy that I got to see an aunt, uncle and cousin who mean the world to me...

The upcoming years will certainly be hard, but there was a lot of love back there and always will be... I sure hope they all understand (honestly) why I'm here instead of there...

I talked it over with my friend last night and she thinks everything is OK and I trust her instinct just because of who she is and what she's been for me in the past...

Another Chance to Reconnect

2008-07-23T08:29:00.002-06:00

What a great night reconnecting... it's been so long since we've been able to do that and I so wish that we were able to get together more often... we both know that's not always possible though and we'll just keep making the best of every chance we can ...

Friends like you are a once in a lifetime blessing and I want that friendship to be there for a long time yet to come...

Past/Present/Special

2008-07-20T17:53:00.001-06:00

Friday was great... we hadn't been able to connect that way in years... hopefully we don't pull each other in too far again and don't push each other away like we did before...

There's gotta be a happy median for what we have... maybe this time...

No matter what, you're special to me (like it or not) and hopefully you don't regret what happened (past or present).

J

Countdown

2008-06-22T19:32:00.003-06:00

Here we go... one week before vacation...

I can't tell you how long it's been since I've actually had one. OK - actually I can - 3 years! Even though we're going "home" and it's sometimes more work than I want to admit, it's still a great time... so many people to see and as always we won't be able to see everyone... We'll do our best, but it's going to be tight...

My mom's got stuff planned, my mother-in-law's got stuff planned, everyone has someplace for us to be...

The one thing I HAVE to do is get my dad alone for 5 or 10 minutes and thank him for the college education he gave me... story goes like this - during the winter there was construction across the street from our building and I watched those poor bastards freezing doing their work outdoors... my mom and dad gave me the opportunity to not have to do that for the rest of my life... I have to thank them for that...

I figure it will be over morning coffee sitting in the back yard or over a scotch or Jack Daniels on the front steps one night...

Hope I don't cry...

Damn - You Can Talk!!

2008-06-19T17:36:00.003-06:00

Went to lunch with a friend today... one I used to work with pretty closely... damn can the girl talk!

Usual spot, usual conversation... I could typically listen to her for a long, long time... I still find myself getting lost in her words and just staring at her... she's so damn pretty to boot!

Normally that might turn people off (dominating a conversation) but with her, I love to hear about how she's grown into her latest role as a manager - something that should have happened a long time ago but didn't because of friction and politics...

Since she and I were close when I worked there, she never got a fair shake until after I bailed on the place... it hurt me to leave the company (financially and otherwise) but for me it was the right thing to do because I was in a dead end department... I didn't leave for her - I did it for me to go to what I thought at the time was a better opportunity... her success is hers and hers only and I'm very proud of her...

Can't wait to go out for drinks one of these nights with her and just listen some more...

Short Timer Syndrome

2008-06-16T21:30:00.002-06:00

Getting set to go on vacation here soon... can't wait to see the boyz, the family and other friends...

It's been a long time since I've been back to NJ... it should be fun... Hoping to hook up with a couple of people I haven't seen in a very long time. Loading up the cell phone with numbers and will call when we get there... a beer here, a cup of coffee there...

No desire to get work done ... gotta stay focused

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-13T22:38:00.002-06:00

Father's day weekend... should be relaxing.

A little yardwork, maybe take the little one to the pool, catch up on some reading...

To the boyz in NJ (Billy, Fatboy, et al) - Happy Father's Day!!!

ja

First Kiss...

2008-06-11T20:37:00.004-06:00

So weird... dreamed last night of the girl that gave me my first real kiss... my first real girlfriend.

Pretty girl - DeeDee we called her... tall, dirty blonde and very fun. Not sure what brought that on especially since I haven't spoken to her in close to 20 years...

Maybe it had to do with the photo album found over the weekend (see previous post - http://jarandomstuff.blogspot.com/2008/06/past-came-back.html). Maybe it was me being nostalgic for the past - for the hockey team, for being at an age when it was OK not to give a rat's ass about a damn thing other than what you were doing that night, where you were hanging out and who was buying the beer... simple times.

I think we all need some of that from time to time. I think I'll go up and take another peek at that photo album and have another trip back in time...

'night all...

The Past Came Back

2008-06-11T11:54:00.003-06:00

Over last weekend I was doing some needed cleaning in the basement when my wife came across a photo album that I thought was long lost. WOW - what memories came back...

College friends and parties, college graduation and some explaining about who was sitting on my lap at the fraternity Christmas party :-)

Hmmm - makes me wonder if it was "lost" on purpose...

???????

Music World Mourns

2008-06-04T20:25:00.001-06:00

Another guitar hero lost... first was Jeff Healey earlier this year.

Now - Bo Diddley...

Both a great loss to the guitar/music world. Inovators, showmen, class acts.

Both will be sorely missed.

Lost

2008-05-19T08:30:00.004-06:00

Ever lose something that you took for granted? I did over the weekend... could have been anywhere but I think I know where it might have been - little chance for recovery unless I'm totally off base.

About 25 or 30 years ago I received a gift - a gold chain and a crucifix. Since I had it, it's been off my neck only three times - once during surgery, once when it broke and had to be reparied and now.

Sometime between Friday night and Sunday morning I lost it... very sad, very madening... If I lost it where I think I did, there's little chance for me to get it back because too much time went by.

I feel "naked" without it - after having something hang around your neck for so long you really take it for granted

Mish-mash of Things

2008-05-13T21:09:00.002-06:00

Not much peace the past 2 days at work... lots to do but lots of interruptions... giving a class that is being somewhat well received. JW not engaged at all - par for the course with him... he's a tough nut.

Was a busy weekend - last soccer game of the girl's season - brilliant 2 - 1 win in the final seconds... well played all around.

Men's team could have used some of that magic but lots of injuries. Chris played with a busted rib from the previous week. Daughter had a 3 hour softball practice after her game on Saturday.

More $$ about to be spent - unplanned of course... rain last night and found a little water in the house by the fireplace... either a problem at the roof-line or with the chimney cap allowing water to wick in... called the roofer today to have them come out to look at it tomorrow... fingers crossed!

Out of the Blue

2008-05-05T21:38:00.003-06:00

So my best friend in NJ gave me a call tonight - out of the blue as he typically does... I'll tell you, I can't wait to go back to see him and the other "boyz"... I love it out here in Colorado, but damn - if I could move him and another buddy of mine out here, it would be heaven...

Every time we get on the phone, it's a laugh-fest... I can always count on him to make me feel good when I'm down and feel even better when I'm feeling good!!!

Known him for over 30 years now... brothers for sure...

Soccer Weekend

2008-05-04T20:43:00.005-06:00

Beautiful soccer weekend... sun, little wind and not too hot... the kids lost 2 -1 but it was their best effort this season... 1 more game for them and the season's over....

Men's team tied 2 - 2 after being down 0 - 2 at half... I had a hand in the 2nd goal which actually was a penalty kick taken by our leading scorer... I was able to keep the ball alive after the other team's keeper bobbled a shot and he got tripped up in the box...

I also had a chance to actually win the game but was 1/2 a step too slow... 5 years ago that goal would have been mine...

On the lighter side, I was traumatized - my daughter came home with a dress for her 6th grade continuation... OUCH! My reaction after she modeled it for me was that I wanted to go upstairs to my room and cry :-)

Thoughts for Thursday

2008-05-01T23:27:00.008-06:00

Bummer - lost my original post due to a computer issue (wireless sucks sometimes)

Good day at work - calmer.. filled 2 open positions (and quickly) - boss likes that...

Talked to the person who resigned last night - burned out... good luck... glad he gave me 2 weeks

Avalanche lost big tonight to the Red Wing scum... only the Flyers left now to root for (other than anyone playing the Rangers and Red Wings)

Rough/physical indoor soccer game tonight... I'll feel it tomorrow morning for sure... ankle, ribs, legs all sore...

Snowed today - 80 degrees yesterday - 45 w/snow today... gotta love Colorado

Friday looms - gonna make it a good day and a good weekend... Happy Friday!!

Wacky Wednesday

2008-04-30T21:37:00.001-06:00

Strange day... all hell broke loose even as I was walking in the door at the office...

Escalations from start to finish.
Sales people who forgot how to wipe their asses.
One employee who went brain-dead on how to do his job. Might have to fire this one...
Another employee who doesn't like to (or know how to) deliver tough messages to customers.

At the same time, what a good day because I was able to laugh throughout... it was just a very strange day.

The sales people kicked ass in April - good for business - if only there were a bonus structure... maybe in the future. Could have been a record month - we'll see when the final numbers come out on Friday.

Mortality In Your Face

2008-04-29T00:28:00.002-06:00

So I get this e-mail from my dad this morning. Attached is an obituary from his local paper. Classmate of mine from high school passed away Sunday 4/27/08 - only 44 years old.

Shock, disbelief and a whole lot of other emotions hit me all at once. She wasn't the first in my graduating class to pass and I know she won't be the last... we just still seem too damn young and invincible for this to happen to US...

But we're not... life is funny, cruel, strange and so much more - all at the same time.

RIP Sheena...

Some Progress....

2008-04-29T00:18:00.002-06:00

Small steps - since my physical at the beginning of the month I've managed to drop about 5 pounds... it's a start... blood pressure is still too high but I haven't had the chance to get back into the gym or start a running program yet.

After being sick for much of February and then my family being sick most of March and April, I think things are settling down a bit...

This should give me the chance I need to get moving more and drop a little more of this weight and get to that 185 mark.

Let it Snow...

2007-12-11T20:51:00.001-07:00

Finally some snow in the Denver area... only problem is that it's deciding to do it overnight and just making a bloody mess of the rush hour... it's still mighty nice to look to the mountains from the office and see the white-capped peaks in the distance...

Keep it coming in the mountains for sure!!

Weigh In

2007-12-10T21:15:00.000-07:00

First weigh in was on Saturday 12/8/07 ... lost 1 pound... at a pound a week, that's hitting my target - or at least getting close. Need to do some work though this week - been a tough one diet-wise and hard to work out because of all the things going on.

Need to break it up during the day and do some in the morning and some at night.

Still working at it, but honestly, I have to hit a rhythm and carry this pig out!

The Line is Drawn...

2007-12-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

In my last post I wrote about how it's time to transform myself... work hard to lose the extra weight I know that I'm carrying around.

Well now I know exactly how much there is to take off. When I got on the scale it read 198 pounds. I am looking to get between 180 and 185 so we're looking at 13 - 18 pounds, hopefully by the end of march.

How will I do it? Most likely the old fashioned way - work out, watch what I eat, ease up on the portions, etc. A friend of mine recently lost 28 pounds with some plan that called for 64 oz of water per day, lots of GREEN veggies (no carrots or corn - too much sugar) and lots of white meat. I might do a variation on that theme but on my own. I can't afford to do a plan that I have to shell out money for.

I know this is a lousy time of the year to start on something like this, but I don't have a choice - I don't like the way I look and only I can do something about it.

Look for weekly updates on the situation.

Time to Transform Myself...

2007-11-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

My doctor's not going to be happy with me when I go in for my annual physical in late March. I'm carrying about 15 pounds more than I should and I'm sure my cholesterol is running high.

I need to do things differently for myself, for my family, for my friends. I plan on revamping my diet - not drastically, but just enough to eliminate some of the crap that I eat more often than I should. I am also hitting the gym again and will hopefully start to walk either at lunch or after work for some extra exercise.

I play soccer, but I struggle a bit - I can't play a whole game like I used to and it makes me sad. I don't think I'm discouraged, but I do find myself eating past 7 or 8pm and I know that's not good.

This Saturday I'm going to weigh in on my home scale and take my blood pressure reading and then track my progress.

Stay tuned and wish me luck!

Unreasonable Customers

2007-11-22T22:37:00.000-07:00

Some people are just unreasonable... we had a situation at work tonight (we're a 24x7x365 operation) and the people on the other end of the phone were just so unreasonable...

We tried to reassure them that we were taking all measures to get in touch with the right people, but they would just not accept that..

Finally one of my techs to prove to this jackass on the other end of the line that we weren't just bullshitting him conferenced him into the calls he was making to prove that no one was answering the phones ...

Still - the jackass continued braying away... "I want it NOW", "you don't understand", "I want retribution".... on and on the guy went...

Problem is that the guy's client is the one that caused the problem in the first place by not abiding by the rules... and you want ME on a HOLIDAY that I am spending with MY FAMILY to jump through flaming hoops for you? KISS MY ASS!!!

Giving Thanks...

2007-11-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I'm like a lot of bloggers in the US who are writing on this topic ...

You've got the obvious things - my friends, my family, my health (although my doctor is working me over pretty good to lose that 10 - 15 pounds by my next physical), a roof over my head, etc. etc. etc.

One of the things I'm MOST thankful for is the new job I've been in for the past 8 weeks. After my last gig, this is a wonderful change for me and I'm very happy to have landed where I did. New friends, new challenges and a management team that supports me and my ideas.

The other thing I'm thankful for is the work of all the military men and women who are protecting me, my family and our friends by putting their lives on hold and on the line - every day. Without them and the support of THEIR families, we sure as hell wouldn't be enjoying what we do each and every day of our lives.

If you are reading this and are associated with a military family, unit, etc. - my sincere thanks for all you and your fellow soldiers do for us. We love you all!

Strike Three!!

2007-11-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

Verdict is in... Matt Holliday didn't win National League MVP...

Shouldn't be surprised, but I am disappointed... 3 times unlucky in the post-season awards.

It sure would have been nice to bring home some hardware after being swept in the series... Oh well, not too much longer before pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training!

Third Time's a Charm (I Hope)...

2007-11-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, November 20th is the last chance that the MLB Writers have to make things right by having voted Matt Holliday the National League MVP.

Strike 1 - Not voting Troy Tulowitzki as NL Rookie of the Year
Strike 2 - Not voting Clint Hurdle as NL Manager of the Year

Hopefully the MLB Writers won't strike out...

Unfortunately, this is an 0-2 count and folks in Colorado are expecting a huge hook of a curve-ball for Strike 3. It's a shame that so many people I've talked to already figure the east coast writers have screwed Colorado again for something well deserved.

Stay tuned... Hopefully the third time's the charm!!

They Took the F#*(#@ING BAR!!!

2007-11-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

Taking a look through today's headlines, I came across this story that brought to mind the famous line from "Animal House". Thank you to the late, great John Belushi for that one.

Apparently there were 2400 bottles of Jack Daniel's whiskey found - some dating back to the early 1900s - that the feds are threatening to dump down the drain because they were stolen and were to be sold on the black market...

Ummm - excuse me people - shouldn't the stolen property be returned to the rightful owner if the stuff was heisted from the JD warehouses? Some of these bottles are rare and I'm sure they would rather have them back instead of seeing it being dumped. This isn't the '30s and this ain't prohibition!

See story at link below:
http://www6.comcast.net/news/articles/national/2007/11/15/Confiscated.Whiskey/?cvqh=itn_whiskey

Hmmm - I wonder if any of these bottles are the old JD White Label bottles - you know - the ones you can't find any more? Personally, I have a bottle of Green Label from 1982 that hasn't been opened yet and I have a bounty out on a bottle of White Label. No body can even tell me if it's still made anymore.

How about it people - anyone know where I can get a 750ml or 1.75l bottle of White Label Jack Daniels??? C'mon - help a brother out!!!

More BOOs for MLB Writers

2007-11-14T22:16:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, Rockies manager Clint Hurdle has been passed over as Manager of the Year.

Given the streak at the end of the year, the solid play of the team over the course of the year and the general lack of "drama" on the team during the season, it's truly a shame that he was overlooked - and even worse, came in third in the voting.

Maybe MLB should look at waiting until the playoffs start so that it's truly the Manager of the YEAR and not the Manager of the PARTIAL Year award.

Get it together folks - Hurdle deserved it.

Will the MLB writers get the "hat trick" and screw the Rockies 3 times over by denying Matt Holiday the NL MVP award?

Stay tuned...

Rest in Peace Marley

2007-11-12T22:01:00.001-07:00

Got a call from my best friend back east telling me some sad news. He had to put down his dog recently and it had to be one of the toughest things he's done.

Marley was a great dog - a Hungarian Comondor. Essentially a Hungarian Sheepdog that early on was bred to mix in with the sheep in the fields and kill the wolves as they stalked and hunted the sheep.

Marley was such a gentle sole though. Great with kids and just a wonderful companion. For 15 and a half years she was with my friend and they took very good care of each other.

Marley is now with my late pal, Dallas and they're both waiting for me and my friend. God willing, they'll have to wait for a good long time for us to join them but that doesn't mean we won't keep thinking of them often.

MLB Writers - BOO HISS!!!

2007-11-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

We've been robbed! That's the feeling I have right now because of the NL Rookie of the Year selection did not go in favor of Troy Tulowitzki of the Colorado Rockies.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20071112&content_id=2298624&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb

Granted that Ryan Braun had some of the better numbers at the plate, but it's a shame that the baseball writers did not take into consideration Tulo's stellar defense throughout the season.

No one had a better fielding percentage that Tulowitzki and that contributed to his credibility as a legitimate contender for the Rookie of the Year award.

Writers tend to gloss over anything coming out of the Rockies organization as well - that because of the past history at Coors Field... get over it folks!

The only consolation is that the voting was close... small consolation though because I don't believe the better man won in this case.

It's Been Awhile...

2007-11-12T21:02:00.001-07:00

Been gone for a bit.. been busy with the new job, stuff around the house and such...

I'm hoping to be able to devote a little more time to writing moving forward and will actually start to do an outline for myself so that I can keep things going and generate ideas, etc.

Bear with me while I re-ramp things up here...

In the meantime, peace...

Thanks For a Great Season

2007-10-31T20:42:00.000-06:00

This post is long overdue... but Thank You to the Rockies for a great season.

Ups, downs, frustrations and elations... in the end it would have been nice to have been on the winning end of the series, but there will be talk of "the streak" for years to come...

September 2007 will be a month that many will not forget.

In the face of defeat, the entire team - to a man - was gracious and showed great sportsmanship. An example for all.

Remember what it felt like watching that celebration and bring it on in 2008!

Thanks for a great season to the Colorado Rockies

What a Difference a Week Makes

2007-10-26T20:19:00.000-06:00

Wow... what a difference a week makes.

Rockies get lit up for 13 runs in the first game of the World Series on Wednesday night and then lose a tough game 2 by the score of 2 - 1.

Down 0 - 2 coming back to Denver, the local papers have it correct - the bats have to wake up and the pitching staff has to stop offering free passes to first in the form of walks and hit batters.

The team is for real - believe me... no team wins 21 out of 22 at the end of the season and into the front edge of the playoffs without being real, but they boys gotta wake up a bit...

Honeymoon's over fellas... now kick some Red Sox ass!!!

GO ROCKIES

(ps to all those scalpers out there that scoffed up all the tix in the on-line debacle of a ticket sale - BITE ME you scum sucking greed-head freaks!!!)

Goodbye and Thanks for Nothing

2007-10-22T22:05:00.001-06:00

Had a person on my staff resign today. Not that big a deal, but the way he did it left a lot to be said of his professionalism.

He showed up at about 5:30pm, after I had left. According to the people who were there, he dropped a note on my desk, dropped off his equipment, cleaned out his desk, bad-mouthed a member of the team, dropped a couple of F-Bombs and left.

Gee - thanks for giving me an opportunity to try to resolve some of your concerns. You were good, but you burned that bridge pal. You'll be lucky to get name, rank and serial number from me in a reference.

It's too bad because I thought that you could have helped me with this team. Guess that was asking too much from someone who waited less than 48 hours after I started to start raking me over the coals for not immediately changing things.

Change takes time, change takes patience. My advice to you? Get out of the technology field. Go into something where you don't have to interact with people and where there's no chance of any conflict. You can't handle it.

For my part, sorry charlie. For your part, you should be sorry and embarrassed by your behavior.

Is Technology REALLY the Answer?

2007-10-22T21:56:00.001-06:00

Unfortunately for the Colorado Rockies, the answer is a resounding NO!

Nothing but trouble all day long with the sale of World Series tickets. 8.5 million hits on the web site that was supposed to facilitate the sale of the high-priced, high-prized tickets. That's 4 times the number of people in the whole damn state! Only 500 out of 60,000 tickets were sold successfully.

So what gives?

My guess is that it was scalpers .. oh - I'm sorry - "Ticket Brokers"

You know - the scumbags that keep us working schmucks from picking up tickets for events at a fair price. The assholes use software to flood ticket web sites so that they can essentially "bump" their way into the line. Then they basically double and triple (legally?) the prices of the tickets. Hmmm.. they can do this legally but I can't sell a ticket for any more than face value? Can you say "racketeering"?

Ticketmaster was the first legal ticket racket. Unfortunately it has spread.

The Rockies should have just stuck to the lottery system for this - there were no compelling reasons to try to do this through the internet.

Football, Yardwork and Family Time

2007-10-21T20:39:00.001-06:00

Spent a lot of good quality time with my (almost) 5 year old son over the weekend.

Lots of time outside on Saturday doing yardwork and getting lots of "help" from the boy. Spent Sunday indoors because of the weather (about 4 inches of snow that's already melted) and watching movies and football games and more movies and playing and cleaning.

He's a good kid and I loved the time but I'm sure tired. 6am is going to come real fast after I fall asleep.

Fun Weekend Planned

2007-10-19T20:10:00.000-06:00

The wife and daughter are going away for the weekend on a field trip... that leaves me and my son.

Not really big plans, but it will be fun. Weather is supposed to be lousy on Sunday so we're probably going to rent some movies, make some food and "camp out" in the family room.

Saturday will be filled with yard work and other outdoor stuff.

We're both looking forward to having some fun!!

What a Ride for the Rockies!!

2007-10-16T21:16:00.000-06:00

National League champs. Has a great ring, doesn't it?

The scene in lower downtown Denver was unbelievable last night before, during and especially after the Rockies sweep of Arizona. Outside Coors Field after the game there was a reported 30 minute gridlock of people celebrating in the intersection at 20th and Blake - and no one seemed to mind one bit.

The Rockies had just won their 21st of their last 22 games dating back to early September and swept the Diamondbacks back to the Arizona desert. Defense, key offensive timing and superb pitching by both starters and the bullpen gave the Rockies the upper hand on Philadelphia and Arizona.

Now let's keep up the mad pace and beat up on the winner of the Red Sox/Indians series and bring home the BIG ONE!!!

GO ROCKIES!

Cold Night for Baseball

2007-10-14T15:47:00.000-06:00

Here in Colorado, more football-like weather than baseball-like weather...

Cold, drizzle... mid to upper 40's... is this really a good day for baseball?

You bet your ass it is! The Rockies are on a major roll, winning 19 of their last 20 games and hold a 2 games to zero lead in the NLCS over Arizona.

The team has a lot to play for - individually and as a team... but not one person on the team is showing up any other... true team effort on the field and off (when dealing with the media).

Baseball is back in Colorado... there's history here for those of you who think we're buried in snow 10 months out of they year. Actually I've played golf on 70 degree days in January and ridden my motorcycle at least one day each month. Granted, the weather is iffy in October (blizzard of 1997 that was followed by a week of mid-70s) but we're talking Rockies playoff baseball now.

Who cares about the weather! GO ROCKIES!!!

Don't be This Way.. Come Back

2007-10-14T15:45:00.000-06:00

I know why you didn't show up at the game(s) on Thursday... it's OK.

We want you back - we need you back. Don't be mad at yourself or anyone else... just come back because we miss you.. I miss you...

In My Dreams...

2007-10-08T20:05:00.001-06:00

Old Dokken song from the 80's. We both loved it.

Why were you in my dreams over the weekend? I haven't seen you since you left NJ so many years ago...

We talk on the phone from time to time and I am SO PROUD of you for getting your life back in order. I still love you and I know why you left, but I can't help but think sometimes - "What if...?"

Could it have worked? Could we have survived? I think we both know we would have tried very hard to make it work.

You told me you loved me and I know you did. I know you still do based on the letters we've shared and I know that you ask the same questions.

I know you're scared of the answers. I am too. I'd love to see you again - but only if you wanted to. I've thought about what we'd do if we met up - how we'd react, how awkward the conversation would be. But then my dreams save me and the moment.

But in my dreams, it was all OK. We talked - the way we did those nights - just talked - until 3 and 4am. We looked in each others eyes and knew it was OK. Your eyes are so peaceful to me even now. I keep the picture of us after that hockey game and when I look at it, your eyes blow me away.

Your mom knew we loved each other. She knew and she approved. She knew I'd take care of you and I think it tore her apart as much as it did me when you left. But you found yourself and she was happy. She told me that it hurt you to leave. She told me how you cried before going to South Dakota. But then she told me that she was happy that you found yourself finally, found happiness, found a friend and a solemate. Started a family.

And then she told me that she was sorry ... sorry for me... sorry for us... sorry that we never had the chance to find out. She told me that it was because you loved me that you had to go. She smiled when she said that and I knew what she meant. You were saving yourself from those demons you faced.

You faced them, you beat them. You survived and that makes me so proud because you did it.

In my dreams, you'll always be... Never forget that.

Happy Birthday and Love always.

So Many Ideas...

2007-10-08T20:00:00.000-06:00

On the job front, there is so much to do... it's wonderful!

At my last position, the attitude was just get shit done, don't worry about how much you're spinning your wheels... oh - and you won't get any support from management... oh - and no matter how good you do with what little you have, you'll still get screwed in the end...

The new place is a complete 180-degree turn from that. I have support from management to enact ideas. They want my ideas. They are excited about my ideas! Not only am I learning new things, but I'm also teaching my boss new things and she wants more!

This is the boost that I needed. This shows me that the last place was an ugly dream and that I was doing the right thing all along - it was just that the thinking there was so screwed, there was no way to succeed.

Here's to not looking back at certain chapters of our lives!

A Great Win ... And a Terrible Loss

2007-10-07T20:18:00.001-06:00

So the Rockies swept the Phillies in the National League Divisional Series and will now take on the Arizona Diamondbacks in the League Championship Series. What a win! 2 - 1 in front of a packed house.

Contrast that with the Broncos UGLY loss today (41 - 3) at the hands of the San Diego Chargers. Ugly in all aspects of the game - offense that couldn't move the ball, defense that couldn't stop a slug moving across the sidewalk and special teams that gave up 7 points on a fumbled kick off return.

The sad thing is that the fans are no longer behind the Broncos. And they (the fans) got called out by members of the team after the game. Good for the players because fans in this city are nothing but a bunch of fair weather fans. They love you if you're good, hate you if you're bad.

For more than 1/2 the season, the Rockies hadn't seen more than 20,000 people at a game - then the Yankees come to town and the prices SKYROCKET! Hey - wait a minute... I thought $20 tickets were $20!?!? What do you mean you're raising the price by 200% just because the friggin' YANKEES are coming to town?

It's too bad there were so many people willing to pay the $$ for those games. I would have loved to see the team suffer a big loss (financially) with a lack of fan support for the practice of selectively setting prices. Gee - isn't that price fixing? Should the government get involved with that? Sounds like a racket to me...

Anyway - Still lots of baseball left in this town - now just hope the snow holds off :-)

GO ROCKIES!

Why Do You Do This??

2007-10-04T23:38:00.000-06:00

Why?

Why show up to the game so drunk that you can't play?
Why say the things you did when I tried to reach out to you to help?

I know that it was the booze talking, but it hurt... it stung...

You're beautiful, I care and I love you... I'll try again next week.

Sports Weekend

2007-10-04T23:36:00.000-06:00

This is going to be one hell of a weekend for Denver sports...

Rockies home on Saturday to try to sweep their NLDS against Philly
Sunday the Avalanche and the Broncos at home and if the Rockies need game 4, they'll be at it also...

The sports bars are loving this and so am I...

Go Rockies!!!

What the Hell Is Happening?!??!

2007-10-03T20:11:00.000-06:00

Scanning the headlines tonight and seeing that a 13 year old in Florida killed his younger brother because he "ate a dessert he shouldn't have" turned my stomach.

What could be worse than a sibling killing another over a stupid fucking DESSERT?!?!?

Actually there is something worse - the MEDIA!!!

Deeper in the story, there was a sentence that stated that the sherriff's department didn't know what the dessert was. WHAT? Excuse me?!?!? What freaking GENIUS thought that was even remotely revelent?!?!?

What an ass...

You try to teach your kids that things like this (unfortunately) are part of the world now. You try to teach them right from wrong, guide them, comfort them. Then some idiot puts a dessert above the fact that this tragedy happened.

It's a sad, sad world sometimes... I just wish that some newspaper editor somewhere had the balls to buck the trend one time and print GOOD news for a change. Maybe then, kids could have positive role models instead of the likes of Michael Vick and Britney Spears (among others).

Parents - hug your kids and tell them that THEY can make a difference in the world by doing good. You may not get the recognition you deserve by doing good, but it sure beats the alternative...

THEY'RE IN!!!

2007-10-02T19:57:00.000-06:00

The Rockies have done it!

What an exciting game last night. And how fitting that Matt Holiday score the winning run after the problem he had with that fly ball in the 8th inning allowing the Padres to tie the game.

I wasn't at the game, but the excitement was still there in the family room. What a game.

Todd Helton and the whole team deserve this.

Can they make it to the World Series? I don't know, but if they keep playing the way they did over the last 2 weeks (winning 14 of the last 15 games) they have a damn good chance of doing just that.

First (Half)Week Down...

2007-09-29T10:26:00.000-06:00

Well - the first half-week at the new job is done. Lots to learn and the feeling of overwhelm is still there, but it's not that bad. Lots to learn, lots to read, lots more to learn.

Of course, I'll work hard and I've given my new boss some new ideas that we're going to talk about next week.

Lots of meetings and trainings next week so it should go quick and be fun.

This is going to be a good thing!!

Now to swing a plan into motion to get some of the people I used to work with on board.

Four Games and Still In It!!

2007-09-27T19:54:00.000-06:00

The Colorado Rockies are down to their last 4 games of the season and still in the thick of this wildcard race in the National League...

Four weeks into the NFL season and we're still talking baseball in the Rocky Mountains - it's strange in some ways.

It's too bad the SF Giants couldn't hold on to their lead in the ninth inning 2 nights ago or else the Rox would be tied for that position with San Diego...

True, the Rockies need help from others, but they've done pretty good by themselves with this 10 game winning streak going into tonight's game with the Dodgers. Longest streak in franchise history - what a great time for them to string together a bunch of wins.

When all is said and done - with or without the playoffs - I think the Rockies have generated some interest for next season already. Now let's hope Dan O'Dowd doesn't go screwing with the roster too much and bring the whole house of cards tumbling down again...

We got a winning team in Denver now - DON'T SCREW WITH IT TOO MUCH!!!

GO ROCKIES!

Good Beginnings...

2007-09-27T19:50:00.000-06:00

After 2 days on the new job, I feel pretty good...

It's a sense of overwhelm, but in a good way. Yesterday on day 1, I was introduced to what seemed like half the company! Yeah - like I'm gonna remember that many names so quickly :-)

Everyone is nice and I had sent out an e-mail to my new group letting them know that I was going to set up 1:1 meetings with them all so they can get to know me and I can get to know them better. I also want to ask questions and let them ask me some questions also. The VP of the group got the message and told me that she liked it...

Lots to learn - process, procedure, product.... lots of training classes coming up now over the next few days and I'll start to listen in on the phones with some of the folks as well so I can hear what they hear and see how they operate.

I have a good feeling about this...

New Job - New Beginning

2007-09-25T19:59:00.001-06:00

Well, tomorrow is the big day!

New job, new opportunities, new chances to renew my own faith in myself after working in that hell hole for 17 months and getting no support, respect or recognition.

Many people I had worked with are gone from that place and of the remaining ones, I will try to "rescue" some of the better ones that are left.

I'm nervous like it's the first day in a new school. I hope I can sleep OK tonight. It's a good nervous though.

I'm excited to meet the different people I'll be working with, my new team and getting involved. I know I have a lot to bring to the table - I just don't want to show up with my tail between my legs after the beatings we all took at the old place.

Time to go have a beer, relax and watch the Rockies try to make some more noise in the NL West!

Wish me luck!

(PS - Hey Fluff, I'll let you know what's happening as far as hiring is concerned! I want to have a 1:1 w/my boss before the week is out so get that resume ready!!)

When You Play With Fire...

2007-09-23T17:34:00.000-06:00

Well it happened... the Broncos showed their true colors today and Jason Elam's famed leg wasn't going to save them this week...

No way, no how... I called it out last week in a previous post. See Living on the Edge.

They couldn't get the job done this week on either side of the ball and I'm not surprised. They're not THAT good of a team. They couldn't go in for the kill in weeks 1 and 2 like a good team should, letting weaker teams hang around until the last second heroics by Elam each week.

You can't survive in the NFL by winning games in the last second (not against weaker teams, that is). Against those teams, you've got to recognize the blood in the water and destroy them.

Until today, some of the local media have been optimistic about the team and seemed like they thought the first 2 weeks were flukes. Nope - the Broncos will struggle this year and easily could be 0 - 3 instead of 2 - 1 on the young season.

The thing that may save them is that they are playing in a more surprisingly weaker AFC West. Let's see what happens moving forward.

Unbelievable Guitar Work - Bohemian Rhapsody

2007-09-23T10:20:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine came across this on YouTube. Edgar Cruz is a guitar player out of Oklahoma who has a talent for taking the sound of an entire song and bringing it down onto a guitar.

In this clip, he does Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen and gives a lesson on how it's done as well. Beautifully done.

Here's another of him doing Dream On by Aerosmith. A few dropped notes here and there, but still pretty damn good.

Papa's Got a Brand New Bag!!

2007-09-21T20:31:00.000-06:00

It's been a very long week. Multiple interviews, lots of phone calls and one big payoff!

While I was in one interview late this afternoon, my wife got a call at home from another outfit saying that they had just e-mailed me an offer!!!

Hot damn. I rushed home to check my e-mail (probably the ONLY time I've wished that I had a fucking crackberry with me!!) and scope out the offer.

Open it up and the $$ are right (a little below the last place, but livable), decent benefits and a start date of Wednesday the 26th!

Shot an e-mail right back accepting the position.

The wife is happy, the oldest child is happy, and I'm definitely happy. Hell - I even called my mom back east because I know that she's been worried. My dad's been telling her over the past 2 months not to worry - "he's got the education, he's got the experience, he's got the work ethic - he'll be fine".

(I have my parents to thank for the education and work ethic - wonderful examples and I hope I am only half as effective with my kids as they were with me and my sister).

That's a load off my back and I grabbed a 12-pack and celebrated with a couple of beers.

I think I'll go watch a ballgame and have another beer.

Another Good Interview

2007-09-17T19:22:00.001-06:00

Had an interview this afternoon and they've already invited me back for a 2nd interview as well as for my references.

Hopes not up, but this one seems like a good fit also (much like the last one that I thought I had nailed about a month ago).

Casual environment, down to earth people and a little more mature than the last place I worked. It's a technology organization so they appreciate their IT/support people.

I'm cautiously optimistic. Meeting with the VP of Support on Thursday - fingers crossed!

Living on the Edge

2007-09-16T19:37:00.000-06:00

Week 2 of the NFL season. Play looked a little better than week 1 for the most part from what I was able to see on TV, but looking at the home-town Broncos, I'm still not convinced this is a championship caliber team.

Last week's last second victory was non-impressive in that they seemed to be a little frazzled at the end of regulation, barely getting the snap off with 1 second left. But if you listen to the home-town media, it was a great win, all part of the plan. Never mind the defense looked a bit choppy - especially in the middle.

Today, they need overtime and a missed field goal opportunity from the Oakland kicker to give Jason Elam another chance at heroics.

I wasn't impressed - especially since they weren't able to hold a 17 point lead in the 2nd half. I'm sure the homies will all consider it a great win, regardless.

In a way, they're right. Better to have a 2 - 0 record than be 0 - 2. It doesn't have to be pretty, as long as it's a "W".

The Thrill of Victory

2007-09-15T14:36:00.001-06:00

Game 2 of my 12 year old's soccer season... the past 2 seasons have been painful - close games, winable games, but nothing to show for it for the kids. They play their hearts out but would always seem to come up just short...

Today - different. There was something about them in this game (and last week's also) that gave me and the other coach a good feeling. The "attitude" was there. They were loose, but ready to play (well most of them anyway).

After going down 0 - 1 they came back and scored two goals in the 2nd half to win the game 2 - 1. The score wasn't important, but it was the way they won it. Last second work, deep in the other team's defensive zone. One pass, two passes, shot - GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!

When I looked at my watch - 3 seconds left. The referee let the other team touch the ball at the kickoff and blew the game down.

The girls had done it. It took a lot of work on their side, but now they see that it is all worth it and I'm sure they'll still be talking about it on Monday at practice.

This should be the start of a good, upward spiral for a bunch of talented kids who just needed that taste of victory.

The Psychology of Pain

2007-09-14T11:00:00.000-06:00

There's a parallel between physical pain and emotional pain.

My physical pain is less than that of others with serious issues (auto accident injuries, cancer patients, etc) - mine for the most part is even self-inflicted in some cases. Not because I go out and hurt myself on purpose, but because of the sports activities I take on weekly...

Last night for example - softball game at 9:00 and indoor soccer game at 11:15 (yes - PM!)...

Nursing a bum shoulder, worsening knees and stiff and contorted fingers from multiple injuries over the past 30+ years of playing various sports, I've been asked why I continue to put my body through this.

Simple answer is that I still enjoy it... when you're playing, there is no pain and you're having fun. You play to win - that's what I was taught at an early age. You don't have to be the best athlete on the field, but you have to give 100% and execute. If you do the little things right, you can win.

Last night's soccer game was a struggle for me because my fitness level isn't where it needs to be. We played a better team; faster, stronger, fitter; and we got beat (badly). Every shift I played, I tried to stay just 30 seconds longer, always moving, always trying to contribute. Wound up assisting on a goal so I guess it was OK. That's where you cross the mental/physical line. You start arguing with your body to push more - "get there faster you bastard!" "Block that shot dumb-ass".

Paying for it this morning though. Stiff knees, shoulder sore, limping badly. But it's only temporary. No pain killers, not even aspirin. Work through it. It hurts, but it's not debilitating. It hurts, but I can function. It hurts and it helps me focus on other things.

It's been said that pain is weakness leaving the body. If you have some pain, there's an injury somewhere and that part of your body is weak - work to strengthen it.

The same can be said of the mind - pain, hurt - dig down and figure out what and why. You may have to remove something (or someone) from your life to fix it, to get stronger. In the end, you'll be happier.

Take care of the pain - listen to it, but don't let it run (or ruin) your life. Surround yourself with people who love you and can help (physically and mentally).

People who suffer alone, suffer greatly. People who suffer together share the burden and can help lessen the pain for each other.

The Mail ...

2007-09-13T14:39:00.000-06:00

Daily ritual - get the mail... not that I look forward to the deluge of junk mail (even with opting out of credit card solicitations, I still average 3 or 4 a week) and bills, but today was different for some reason.

Go across the street, open the cluster box and grab a stack of "stuff", come back to the house and start sorting... junk, junk, bill, junk, (hmmm - this is a good day - only one bill so far)

Then...

Something that I took as somewhat a personal message in a spiritual sort of way. I won't say exactly what it was, but I can tell you that I think it was sent to me for a reason and I'm going to try to channel that energy and maybe relearn something that was taught to me many, many years ago.

I'll close by thanking God for my family and my health... all else in due time.

Too Much Going On...

2007-09-12T20:31:00.000-06:00

Hard to concentrate... too many irons in the fire... The bastards are coming at me from every direction! Like the opening scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Johnny Depp did a great job with that film).

Tomorrow I fix the flat tire on my bike and pedal somewhere... don't know where, but I'll just go.

Need to decompress more...

Job search, bills, phone calls, job search, e-mails, job search, writing, job search, (can you see where this is going?)

Anyway, tomorrow I will take off, relax, take a ride and get refreshed before playing softball and soccer tomorrow night. If nothing else, I'm trying to stay active.

9/11 - Never Forget

2007-09-11T20:15:00.000-06:00

I know I can't...

Growing up in the shadows of those 2 buildings on the other side of the Hudson made that day 6 years ago that much more chilling.

Knowing that my college roommate worked in one of those towers made it that much more frightning. (He had changed jobs 2 months before and wasn't there thank goodness)

Knowing my friend had been in Boston just a week before was more than I could take...

Having to explain what happened to a bunch of 13 year olds on my soccer team who had been very close to another tragedy just 2 years earlier (Columbine) was un-nerving. These kids had seen 2 tragedies of unbelievable proportion in just 2 years and at such an early age and no one should even see just one like that! One of the kids was directly impacted because she knew the child of one of the pilots. All we did was talk for 90 minutes - no one could think about soccer. We were there for each other.

So many lives were touched and changed on that morning in NYC - people just don't realize how many...

The first time I went back east and drove north on the NJ Turnpike and didn't see the towers made me cry. I expected not to see them, but I didn't think I'd react that way. To see that big empty space in the skyline was too much.

Shortly after the tragedy, the Bergen Record offered the now-famous picture of the firefighters raising the flag at Ground Zero taken by Thomas E. Franklin for donations - naturally, I send my check and have that picture hanging in my home office. I will eventually get another to hang in my office after I get a new job. They are available for sale at allposters.com

That picture is a reminder to me and my way of never forgetting.

Don't you forget either.

Fluff - They'll Miss You When You're Gone

2007-09-11T20:08:00.000-06:00

Trust me... now that you and I are both out of there, they are in some trouble. They just don't know it yet... Pig-fuckers that they are, they're in denial! The bastards let so many good ones go and it will cost them that much more to keep new people coming in. They're idiots!!!

Pretty soon they'll be approaching 100% turnover in the group but it's the wrong part of the group! Management (aka - Greed-Heads as Hunter S. Thomson would call them) should suffer (and I hope that they are) but the axe won't fall on them - oh no... they should all be brought out to the parking lot and castrated with dull, rusty butter knives and have rusty railroad spikes laid into their temples with huge pile-drivers!!

Keep your head up, keep writing and keep in touch! There's still so much better out there!!!

They Call This FOOTBALL?!?!?

2007-09-11T19:57:00.000-06:00

Time for a little babble about week 1 of the NFL season - or should I say "WEAK" 1???

Denver is such a football-mad town, it's unbelievable. When I first moved to the area 15 years ago I couldn't believe how they would lead off the evening newscasts... hell - even in the off-season they'll lead off if something is happening (like someone tripped over his friggin' dog walking down the stairs like Brian Griese did when he was with the team)...

Anyway, the games I watched over the weekend were sloppy, mistake-riddled and just plain sad. Everyone (or most everyone) in this area is happy that the Broncos won, but they should be GREATFUL because they stunk up the place in Buffalo. They sucked - plain and simple. Offense, defense and special teams were all horriffic and the only reason they came away with the win is because Elam was able to hit that last second field goal (after missing 2 others in the game).

Other games I saw were equally awful. Giants/Dallas? Please... The NFC East used to be such a powerhouse but now they're as mediocre as the rest of the league.

No wonder the owners push (read that as hijack) the season ticket holders into buying the pre-season tix as part of the package each season now...

NFL football is going downhill and that's a shame... let's hope that Weak 2 is a little bit better.

The Crumbling Empire?

2007-09-07T12:21:00.000-06:00

Got a call this morning from one of the people who used to work for me... she was calling to say that she has resigned and will be starting a new job in the near future.

By my count there are 5 (out of 12) openings in the group I used to have and at least 7 others in the entire department that used to have 100+ headcount.

That's over 10% understaffed with a 41% understaffing in my old group... and the department was understaffed to begin with...

Seems like the empire is crumbling a bit. It's unfortunate too, but I'm not surprised.

When the resignation was given, my guess is that my former boss was happy on the inside but is shitting his pants as well. He wasn't fond of this person and was very open about it with certain individuals. But inside I know that he's thinking that he's lost another warm body - oh shit - another person gone, more overtime, what's happening???? He needs those warm bodies now. Who the hell is going to answer the phones? Since the company doesn't like paying OT, there's some big shit gonna hit the fan here pretty soon...

These people aren't leaving because I left - no - they are leaving because they are over-worked, under paid and under a hell of a lot of stress trying to live up to the unachievable goals set for them. Again - unfortunate. Signs were there that the goals were unachievable, but were ignored. Gotta push ahead and deliver the undeliverable... Yeah - right. At who's expense?

The saddest thing is that the upper management that is trying to run the company will see little to no repercussions mainly because they will just replace the previously under paid (yet talented) people who left with equally under paid "warm bodies".

The exit interviews are all the same - "the company is broken, the department is broken and upper management doesn't give a rats ass..."

The spiral continues... and it's about to hit critical mass because a lot of the knowledge that is walking out the door does so without anything documented behind them.

If a couple more key people leave then there's a major implosion about to take place - there won't be enough people to man the phones and train all the new suckers - I mean employees - who walk into the slaughterhouse.

As for me - meeting with a number of recruiters next week and have contacted a number of companies this week... the search continues for a company that really cares. One of these recruiters is actually trying to find my replacement... Now THAT should be an interesting conversation!!!

NJ Officials in Corruption Sting

2007-09-06T15:26:00.000-06:00

So 11 public officials and one private citizen were arrested new NJ on corruption charges today.

See article in Bergen Record for details.

Surprised?

Shouldn't be... the state's riddled with corruption. Why the hell would there be any other reason for people paying $14000/year in property taxes? Shit - you can't tell me these people are getting that much in services and that it costs that much to haul the frigging trash!

Somebody's getting paid off and someone's getting screwed - guess which is which.

Did He Really Say What I Think He Said?!?!?

2007-09-04T18:45:00.000-06:00

Watching PBS this afternoon (Lou Dobbs, business report) and he was talking about Mexican President Calderon's weekend comments that essentially encouraged illegal immigration and sloughed off any responsibility or accountability for what's happening in his own country - the one that HE was elected President of in order to help fix things...

I almost fell out of my chair when I heard the comments and I agreed with Lou Dobbs on his response - Fix your stuff Calderon and we'll gladly accept LEGAL immigrants from your country; those that want to contribute to our economy in the correct sense - pay their taxes, work the jobs, and NOT sponge off the rest of the American taxpayers and the liberal scum in office who want to GIVE away our money to support them and their kids with our healthcare and school systems.

Lots of chatter on this one.

Check out wakeupamericans

Can You Live a Fantasy Life?

2007-09-04T18:30:00.000-06:00

(Anyone remember that old Aldo Nova song?!?!)

Fantasy football is back... my 2nd season playing and we went through the draft on Sunday...

Could have been better - got stuck with the 10th pick overall (out of a 12 player league) and all the best running backs and some of the QBs went before my first pick...

Such is life...

As we were going through the draft, there was a lot of chatting going on with the people I used to work with (those that are left anyway)... people wondering if I've landed anywhere yet, wondering what the hell's happening over there and why they're still hanging on...

For some of them, I just don't know why they are still there - the hours suck, management sucks, the pay isn't that great... when I land somewhere, I will certainly be keeping these people in mind as I hear of other positions open ...

It's the least I could do for them...

Some of these people would even make my "dream team" of people to work with - maybe not the most technically sound in the world, but some big hearts and sincere people who work hard...