Pride

How proud can I possibly be?

Even though I got some not so good news when I got home, when you look past it on the surface, I know that my daughter is growing into a woman who takes responsibility, is accountable and genuine.

What happened?

When she was backing out of a parking space she accidentally scraped a Durango with her little Civic. 

What did she do?

She left a note.

What did I do?

I called the woman who's car it was and will work with them to get their fender or whatever re-painted... gladly.

The woman complimented my daughter and that is something that makes my heart sing.

Who cares about the $$ ... it turns out my daughter was listening after all!!  Oh - did I mention she's 16 and has had her license less than a year?  Would YOUR kid have done the same thing?  I'm glad mine did.

How Can I Miss You...

How can I miss you when you never go away?!?!?

3 months and intolerable silence later, I was just getting used to it... THEN I just happened to glance at the page and there you were again...

Not sure how long you've been back, not sure if I'm happy or if I'm pissed.  Pissed at you, pissed at me...

Either way I'm obviously distracted.  Not sure what and why, but there you are and here I am... your move baby.

Silence

Your silence today was deafening...

Your silence today cut deep...

I never thought this would have happened...

It stung - especially after that night.

I didn't think you would withdraw again and if I said or did something to hurt you, I'm sorry...

All I wanted was a simple acknowledgement but all I got was...

Silence...

I guess you want space... if you wanted more I wish you said so... I guess I was just another item on that bucket list you talked about... for what it's worth - it was a great time and I don't regret it..

I am giving you all the space you need. Next move is yours... Nothing that happens will ever shrink that place in my heart that will always be yours... always...

One Week

What will happen?

Will you reach out or will your silence speak volumes?

I'm afraid of what to think and hope that I will at least get a text. 2 or 3 words is all I hope for.

New Adventures for the Little Man!

Big week for the little man ..

Because of the things going on in school we are moving him to a new one - this week.

It's not ideal to do this in the middle of the school year, but for him it's the best... the new school has a program dedicated to kids with his kind of needs. He's understandably confused, scared, anxious - everything you don't want for a kid with the kinds of challenges he has.

At a meeting last week with the special ed team you could tell how difficult it was for the people at his school - there were tears (and not just mine). The principal, his teacher, the special ed team even the teacher from the NEW school!

This is huge and it's one of the hardest things I've gone through... sometimes I am so jealous of my sister who has the support of my parents close by - but me? I chose a long time ago to leave that comfort zone ... times like these make me wish I was still close, but at the same time, I am glad I am able do do these things alone (or somewhat alone)...

Just have to keep convincing the little guy that it's going to be a great adventure!!! I want him to be happy...

Wondering...

Wondering...

where you are...
are you OK...
will you remember in 16 days...

Please be safe...

Haunted

everywhere I turn I'm reminded of you.

Another one of those damn songs came on the radio this morning as I was driving in. That one has always reminded me of you for 20+ years. Why? I wish I knew...

Love you ... love you always but scared to know what's really going on... scared for you - scared for me - scared for us.

I can't stand the thought of you not being in my life to some degree but maybe being close isn't the right thing for us...