Silence

Your silence today was deafening...

Your silence today cut deep...

I never thought this would have happened...

It stung - especially after that night.

I didn't think you would withdraw again and if I said or did something to hurt you, I'm sorry...

All I wanted was a simple acknowledgement but all I got was...

Silence...

I guess you want space... if you wanted more I wish you said so... I guess I was just another item on that bucket list you talked about... for what it's worth - it was a great time and I don't regret it..

I am giving you all the space you need. Next move is yours... Nothing that happens will ever shrink that place in my heart that will always be yours... always...

One Week

What will happen?

Will you reach out or will your silence speak volumes?

I'm afraid of what to think and hope that I will at least get a text. 2 or 3 words is all I hope for.

New Adventures for the Little Man!

Big week for the little man ..

Because of the things going on in school we are moving him to a new one - this week.

It's not ideal to do this in the middle of the school year, but for him it's the best... the new school has a program dedicated to kids with his kind of needs. He's understandably confused, scared, anxious - everything you don't want for a kid with the kinds of challenges he has.

At a meeting last week with the special ed team you could tell how difficult it was for the people at his school - there were tears (and not just mine). The principal, his teacher, the special ed team even the teacher from the NEW school!

This is huge and it's one of the hardest things I've gone through... sometimes I am so jealous of my sister who has the support of my parents close by - but me? I chose a long time ago to leave that comfort zone ... times like these make me wish I was still close, but at the same time, I am glad I am able do do these things alone (or somewhat alone)...

Just have to keep convincing the little guy that it's going to be a great adventure!!! I want him to be happy...

Wondering...

Wondering...

where you are...
are you OK...
will you remember in 16 days...

Please be safe...

Haunted

everywhere I turn I'm reminded of you.

Another one of those damn songs came on the radio this morning as I was driving in. That one has always reminded me of you for 20+ years. Why? I wish I knew...

Love you ... love you always but scared to know what's really going on... scared for you - scared for me - scared for us.

I can't stand the thought of you not being in my life to some degree but maybe being close isn't the right thing for us...

Me and My Big Mouth...

Once again, I went too far, pushed too hard.

Should have let it go, left you alone.

Now I feel like I pushed you away again.

I hope it's not goodbye and that you just need time to sort through things.

I'll be here if you need but I won't reach out again.

The card you get will be the last.

You'll always be in my heart and for whatever I did or said (or didn't do or say) that night - I'm sorry.

I just hope I wasn't one of those things on your "bucket list" or that I disappointed you in some way.

Until whenever - XOXO

Unfocused

So a song came into my head this morning... Candlebox's "Far Behind"...

Thought of you, what you told me, how you sometimes feel... scared of the thoughts

Your silence tells me you need space, time to think... I won't bother you but hope you know I meant what I said so long ago that I am here for you. I will text you to let you know that I am training... for me, for you, for us...

Hope to see you for your big day in September