The Past Comes Back ... Hauntingly

Amazing how even after 20+ years the past sometimes just won't let go.

You were in my life then and stayed in my heart all this time. I've loved you, worried about you, cried with you and about you.

You've scared me and scarred me. You've loved me and hated me, leaned on me and depended on me.

And then earlier this week you were physically with me. The feelings came rushing back for me and hopefully for you. All of them - the love, the fear, the pain, the comfort. The things you told me made me soar and sink - sometimes at the same time.

You're complex and that's why I loved you then and love you now. I'm still scared. Scared for you, scared for what could happen.

You've been through so much and you've survived. You should be proud and deep down I think you are. I thank God you are still with us because I don't know what I would do.

My only wish is that we were closer in distance but I know that our hearts are somewhere close.

You're one in a million and so many things remind me of you. Songs I hear, things I read, memories of the store we worked at. You inspire me to be better and I hope to God that our seeing each other did some good for you too - that it let you know that you are loved and that I will always do my best to be there for you if you need. I think your mom smiled down on us from Heaven that day knowing that you were safe - at least for a little while.

Be strong, be you and I hope to see you again later this year!!