everywhere I turn I'm reminded of you.
Another one of those damn songs came on the radio this morning as I was driving in. That one has always reminded me of you for 20+ years. Why? I wish I knew...
Love you ... love you always but scared to know what's really going on... scared for you - scared for me - scared for us.
I can't stand the thought of you not being in my life to some degree but maybe being close isn't the right thing for us...
Friday, February 17, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Me and My Big Mouth...
Once again, I went too far, pushed too hard.
Should have let it go, left you alone.
Now I feel like I pushed you away again.
I hope it's not goodbye and that you just need time to sort through things.
I'll be here if you need but I won't reach out again.
The card you get will be the last.
You'll always be in my heart and for whatever I did or said (or didn't do or say) that night - I'm sorry.
I just hope I wasn't one of those things on your "bucket list" or that I disappointed you in some way.
Until whenever - XOXO
Should have let it go, left you alone.
Now I feel like I pushed you away again.
I hope it's not goodbye and that you just need time to sort through things.
I'll be here if you need but I won't reach out again.
The card you get will be the last.
You'll always be in my heart and for whatever I did or said (or didn't do or say) that night - I'm sorry.
I just hope I wasn't one of those things on your "bucket list" or that I disappointed you in some way.
Until whenever - XOXO
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Unfocused
So a song came into my head this morning... Candlebox's "Far Behind"...
Thought of you, what you told me, how you sometimes feel... scared of the thoughts
Your silence tells me you need space, time to think... I won't bother you but hope you know I meant what I said so long ago that I am here for you. I will text you to let you know that I am training... for me, for you, for us...
Hope to see you for your big day in September
Thought of you, what you told me, how you sometimes feel... scared of the thoughts
Your silence tells me you need space, time to think... I won't bother you but hope you know I meant what I said so long ago that I am here for you. I will text you to let you know that I am training... for me, for you, for us...
Hope to see you for your big day in September
Friday, February 10, 2012
Where are you?
Missing you... wish you would talk to me...
Wondering if I did or said something wrong...
Wishing I could see...
You... those eyes... burning so long
Your touch... burning
Every thought ... turning... to you
Can't focus without knowing
If you're OK
Can't focus without knowing
If we're OK
Talk to me please
Let me know
Put me at ease
Let me know
Wondering if I did or said something wrong...
Wishing I could see...
You... those eyes... burning so long
Your touch... burning
Every thought ... turning... to you
Can't focus without knowing
If you're OK
Can't focus without knowing
If we're OK
Talk to me please
Let me know
Put me at ease
Let me know
The Past Comes Back ... Hauntingly
Amazing how even after 20+ years the past sometimes just won't let go.
You were in my life then and stayed in my heart all this time. I've loved you, worried about you, cried with you and about you.
You've scared me and scarred me. You've loved me and hated me, leaned on me and depended on me.
And then earlier this week you were physically with me. The feelings came rushing back for me and hopefully for you. All of them - the love, the fear, the pain, the comfort. The things you told me made me soar and sink - sometimes at the same time.
You're complex and that's why I loved you then and love you now. I'm still scared. Scared for you, scared for what could happen.
You've been through so much and you've survived. You should be proud and deep down I think you are. I thank God you are still with us because I don't know what I would do.
My only wish is that we were closer in distance but I know that our hearts are somewhere close.
You're one in a million and so many things remind me of you. Songs I hear, things I read, memories of the store we worked at. You inspire me to be better and I hope to God that our seeing each other did some good for you too - that it let you know that you are loved and that I will always do my best to be there for you if you need. I think your mom smiled down on us from Heaven that day knowing that you were safe - at least for a little while.
Be strong, be you and I hope to see you again later this year!!
You were in my life then and stayed in my heart all this time. I've loved you, worried about you, cried with you and about you.
You've scared me and scarred me. You've loved me and hated me, leaned on me and depended on me.
And then earlier this week you were physically with me. The feelings came rushing back for me and hopefully for you. All of them - the love, the fear, the pain, the comfort. The things you told me made me soar and sink - sometimes at the same time.
You're complex and that's why I loved you then and love you now. I'm still scared. Scared for you, scared for what could happen.
You've been through so much and you've survived. You should be proud and deep down I think you are. I thank God you are still with us because I don't know what I would do.
My only wish is that we were closer in distance but I know that our hearts are somewhere close.
You're one in a million and so many things remind me of you. Songs I hear, things I read, memories of the store we worked at. You inspire me to be better and I hope to God that our seeing each other did some good for you too - that it let you know that you are loved and that I will always do my best to be there for you if you need. I think your mom smiled down on us from Heaven that day knowing that you were safe - at least for a little while.
Be strong, be you and I hope to see you again later this year!!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving...
Thanksgiving... another come and gone... another alone (sort of) far from family and closest friends...
This time of year really starts to depress me so I stay busy with work and other things to keep my mind off it all... the phone calls are great and I love talking to mom, dad, sister, friends, etc... BUT it doesn't replace the feeling of being there.
Why don't I go back east for the holidays? Pretty tough to do - in-laws are 120 miles away from my folks and it'd just be a drive-fest from one part of NJ to the other... I always said trips to see the family are more work that pleasure and that holds true to this day...
Maybe someday now that the kids are older and can handle themselves, but $2k for tix is a bit much... Summer 2012 though will be a different story... will do it because it's been too long.
Love the family, miss the friends dearly but you know what? I wouldn't trade what I have and where I am for anything..
This time of year really starts to depress me so I stay busy with work and other things to keep my mind off it all... the phone calls are great and I love talking to mom, dad, sister, friends, etc... BUT it doesn't replace the feeling of being there.
Why don't I go back east for the holidays? Pretty tough to do - in-laws are 120 miles away from my folks and it'd just be a drive-fest from one part of NJ to the other... I always said trips to see the family are more work that pleasure and that holds true to this day...
Maybe someday now that the kids are older and can handle themselves, but $2k for tix is a bit much... Summer 2012 though will be a different story... will do it because it's been too long.
Love the family, miss the friends dearly but you know what? I wouldn't trade what I have and where I am for anything..
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Cure for Leukemia??
This would be wonderful if it works out... 27 years ago (almost to the day) my family lost a wonderful member to this terrible disease.. if this proves out, it could be the answer to millions of prayers.
http://xfinity.comcast.net/articles/news-health/20110810/US.MED.Gene.Therapy.Leukemia/
http://xfinity.comcast.net/articles/news-health/20110810/US.MED.Gene.Therapy.Leukemia/
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