In My Dreams...

Old Dokken song from the 80's. We both loved it.

Why were you in my dreams over the weekend? I haven't seen you since you left NJ so many years ago...

We talk on the phone from time to time and I am SO PROUD of you for getting your life back in order. I still love you and I know why you left, but I can't help but think sometimes - "What if...?"

Could it have worked? Could we have survived? I think we both know we would have tried very hard to make it work.

You told me you loved me and I know you did. I know you still do based on the letters we've shared and I know that you ask the same questions.

I know you're scared of the answers. I am too. I'd love to see you again - but only if you wanted to. I've thought about what we'd do if we met up - how we'd react, how awkward the conversation would be. But then my dreams save me and the moment.

But in my dreams, it was all OK. We talked - the way we did those nights - just talked - until 3 and 4am. We looked in each others eyes and knew it was OK. Your eyes are so peaceful to me even now. I keep the picture of us after that hockey game and when I look at it, your eyes blow me away.

Your mom knew we loved each other. She knew and she approved. She knew I'd take care of you and I think it tore her apart as much as it did me when you left. But you found yourself and she was happy. She told me that it hurt you to leave. She told me how you cried before going to South Dakota. But then she told me that she was happy that you found yourself finally, found happiness, found a friend and a solemate. Started a family.

And then she told me that she was sorry ... sorry for me... sorry for us... sorry that we never had the chance to find out. She told me that it was because you loved me that you had to go. She smiled when she said that and I knew what she meant. You were saving yourself from those demons you faced.

You faced them, you beat them. You survived and that makes me so proud because you did it.

In my dreams, you'll always be... Never forget that.

Happy Birthday and Love always.